Emblem of Despair
by HisauMaiya
Summary: One shot - AU in which Hisau Maiya breaks and falls into despair. (Warning: Kiritsugu/Irisviel fans may not approve of this.) Source for cover: p?mode medium&illust id 23505960


**News update:**

XXX CITY:_A total of fifty-one people were assassinated over the course of two months. After substantial investigation, the police has declared that all fifty-one of them were past soldiers who fought in a war during the 1990s, yet no other leads were found..._

_Click._

With a flick of a button, the TV's screen turned black, returning the room to its original darkness and silence.

A bat flew to the only window of the room with a message. That was when the raven-haired woman got up, went over to the window and gave the animal a pet on the head.

_Two in this very state. _

With a final _screech_, the bat took off again, this time with a different task at hand. The assassin stared outside the window dully, her eyes void of emotion. They were deadened hues, black as the feathers on her familiar. There was a time where those eyes held some emotion, scarce as it was, that privilege was once again ripped away from her, the moment where she killed him, and killed her own heart in the process.

Sounds of children laughing and people partying outside. That triggered a frown.

_Annoying._

With a couple of steps, she crossed the room and shut the window, draping the curtains over it. She didn't succeed in blocking out the noise, but it was softer than before.

_There was a time._

_ She stood aside watching._

_ As three of them played happy family._

Maiya fingered the barrel of her gun in quiet contemplation. _Not now_, she thought, but the memory wouldn't disappear. She dropped the gun, hugging herself on the cold floor and closed her eyes as her sin came back to haunt her.

What was, the true meaning of a happy ending?

His wish came true. Yet, instead of wishing for world peace, he wished instead for the life of his wife and his daughter. It was granted to him, and tears of happiness and relief flowed down his face as he embraced his family, sobbing with joy.

It was a miracle.

But...

_"You should search for your own life, Maiya."_

Was what he said.

She watched him as he presented an envelope to her. His eyes gentle and happy. Inside was an air ticket to the place she was taken from, to where they had both met. There was money too, money that both of them earned after working together for those years.

"_But... Kiritsugu..._" She started, anxiety rising in her. He... wouldn't just send her off like that, not alone, to that place filled with terrible memories and horror...

But that was exactly what he had in mind.

He gave her a small smile, and waved his hands to hush her. "You should go back and search for your family, lead a life of your own. There is no reason for you to stay here anymore." With that, he put an arm around his wife, who smiled at her in the same way he did.

"Kiritsuguuu~~! Let's go! You promised to bring us to our new home~~!" Little Illya tugged at her father's hand, pouting as she tried to drag him away. Kiritsugu laughed, picked up his daughter and nodded towards her for the last time.

He didn't even look back.

She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing would come out. After what they had been through, after what she had done to please him, to be worthy to fight alongside him, and even putting her life on the line for him...

She was tossed away just like that.

_It hurts..._

The man she'd depended, the man she'd loved with all her heart, held Iri's and llya's hand and walked away.

_It hurts..._

She didn't want this. She was left behind, helpless, unsure of what to do. She didn't want to return, all she wanted was to be able to stay near him, even if she couldn't be with him. Perhaps this was done out of good faith, but he did it without consulting her beforehand. He'd pushed her away to a place she didn't want to go.

Even if he had no use for her anymore, there was a reason for her to remain. And that reason was him.

_ Until the very end..._

_ She was a mere tool after all._

The dagger sunk.

It was amazing how happiness can make a person drop their guard so much.

The dagger was pulled out, then pushed in again.

** . . .**

The other two pale haired woman stared in horror as she stood up, her whole body covered in blood. Screams of an innocent wife and child tore through the street, as she shot them both with a pull of the trigger. And then there were three. Three people who showed her nothing but kindness, now dead.

There was a lump in her throat as she stiffed a giggle, which turned into a laughter of madness as she threw her head backwards, and laughed until her voice broke. She'd slaughtered them. She'd used those hands which he'd moulded to stab him in the back. He was killed by the very weapon he'd shaped.

The tickets and money did not go to waste. She used them to board a plane and return to her home country. She returned as a deadly murderer. Gone was the girl in an oversized uniform. The money and skills were no longer used to uphold justice, she used her resources to build contacts, to find out the profiles of recruited male soldiers in her time, and killed every single one of them she could find.

Discover her identity... huh.

The father of her son had to be killed. She was raped by so many of them, she wasn't sure. But that wasn't a problem. With a heart filled with hatred, she killed every single one of them in cold blood. The police there were all useless, even after killing fifty-six of them, they were still unable to uncover the mystery.

It was then her life met its turning point.

The day she had finally received news of her son's whereabouts, she could only hold the piece of information in her trembling hands. The picture on the piece of paper resembled her own features, and he looked as healthy as a normal kid. Her own life was in a mess, her meals irregular. She didn't smoke, no. Because smoking reminded her of a certain man. It wasn't until she saw drops of water on the piece of paper, that she realised that she was crying.

She didn't know how an empty shell like her could still be capable of emotion.

With a final effort, she pulled herself together, got a house, a normal job, and spun her life back to the normal routine. With money, security and a repaired heart, she made the trip to her son's foster home, dressed decently to make a good impression.

The knock on the door was followed by a yell. _"I'm coming!_" And a rush of footsteps.

Was that he son's voice?

Maiya curled her hands into a fist, her palms already sweating. Would he recognise her? Would he be happy to see her? Would he hug her and cry for stolen time?

The door finally opened, showing a black-haired man with brown, almond shaped eyes. _"He looks so much like me_," she thought, as she looked into his eyes that looked back at her with curiosity and wariness.

After looking at each other for a long moment, the man finally spoke, forming a question.

"Excuse me miss, are you looking for someone?"

Maiya blinked, ah she'd forgotten to introduce herself. She bowed, trying to keep in her nervousness, and replied, "_Ryou, I am your mother_."

The pure shock that arose in her son's face was astounding, it was clear that he thought she was dead, or gone forever. The shock stayed, but another emotion flowed into his soul and showed in his body language.

Was that... hatred?

"Ryou, who's that?" Another woman came into view, his foster mother. She was pale, but had flowing long hair and a kind smile, with a elegance that reminded her painfully of another pale woman she'd knew. Upon noticing Maiya at the doorstep, the other woman turned to Ryou. "Ryou, is that an acquaintance of yours?"

The eyes of her son narrowed, his expression hardened and stayed that way. "No, mother." He said, answering the question of his foster mother, and stood a step forward protectively, as if to shield her from the 'guest' at the doorstep.

_"You are not my mother. She is."_

She froze.

No words could explain how the world started crashing on top of her, how her heart was ripped apart to shreds for the second time.

**Sadness.**

**Despair.**

**Anger.**

**Hatred.**

**_InSaniTY. _**

The emptily click was loud in the stillness of the place.

It was that night again.

The night where she killed the most important person to her.

Her gun was raised, and she aimed to fire thoughtlessly to the pale woman. The woman who stole her son. When she'd finally found a light in her life, a chance for her to heal, it was just a dream after all. A dream that she would eventually wake up from.

The woman screamed, but her son was faster. He was young, but he was raised in the barracks after all. He took out his own gun and shot Maiya before she could pull the trigger, and defenseless as she was, she fell to the ground, bleeding.

She was shot... by her own son...

The realisation swept into her as the world around her blackened and blurred, the pain in her chest numbing by the second. She couldn't hear the screaming anymore, nor the hateful words. And that was when Hisau Maiya finally understood.

All her life, she was destined to be a weapon.

A weapon to be used –

Only to be discarded in the end.


End file.
